Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I am a fashion victim!

I have no fashion sense. NONE. I like my t-shirts and jeans, throw in some sneakers or flip-flops and I'm set.  This being said, there are some fashions that even I know are wrong.

Jeggings. Who in their right mind makes leggings out of denim? Ewwwww.

Then there is the ever-present Ugg boots. The "ick" factor is in the name. Some designer thought they were cute, EVERYONE else said they were ugly. So what does the designer do? Names them after what they are: Ugly.

I was with my friend, at the mall, the other day. We were doing some people watching, and I couldn't help but notice how many victims fell prey to this horrible trend.  They're moon boots, people. You know, those boots that you wore as a child, running around for hours in the snow. Moon boots---in leather.   This lead to my next thought: Moon-deer. The most popular color of said moon boots is tan. As such, we have the moon-deer. The next color is a darker, we'll call it the moon-moose. Finally, we have the fur accented boots, which calls for the moon-yeti (when I see these I hear Chewbacca complaining).

I have to ask what these horrible boot wearers did with all that moon-meat. I mean, they got the moon-animal skin from somewhere, right?  I have to hope that they gave the meat to the poor starving Lunarians. Alas, I suspect they just threw away the moon-meat and never thought about it again.

Please be advised, that if I see you wearing these things, I will point and laugh. I am a fashion victim, but I will not fall prey to these horrendous styles.


  1. Jeans, T-shirts and flippers are hawt. Not that I get to talk about fashion, I still wear my Chucks, torn jeans, faded black T-s and flannel. Stuck in the 90's grunge guy.
    What bothers me most about fashion, is not the stupid trends like Uggs or those giant, ugly Paris Hitlon sunglasses every girl wore last summer, but the attitude of fashionistas.
    They genuinely think people will be happier/better if they would just dress more fashionably.
    This arrogance pisses me off. I mean, they are not actually contributing to the betterment of mankind, are they? They don't build houses, or cure disease or design new fuel efficient engines. What do they do? They decry that hemlines will lower this fall. They decide that orange is the new pink. Do we really need that?
    My sister, who grew up to be a little yuppie-head cheese-ball, once asked me when I was going to grow up, cut my hair and start wearing real clothes. Like her husband-who wears muscle shirts and Tap-Our MMA T-s? She even threatened to call Queer Eye for a Straight Guy on me.

  2. Don't worry baby! I won't let those gay guys try to make you one of them! I'll just give em a HAH and a HEY-YAH and a WOoooOOOooo, and then I'd kick em.
    Asfor fashionistas, they struggle to find importance in their meaningless lives. If I were ever to wear jeggings, and I was NOT wearing skates, please feel free to shoot me where I stand.

  3. Amen sister! At my work I have a continual parade of people wearing questionable "fashions" that make me wonder why on Earth anyone would think that looks cute or flattering. It is an entertaining diversion from work life during my lunch break every day, so for that I thank them.

  4. Now you need to call people out on Crocs...